If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. 2. We have been married 41 years. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? If only you could want . I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. Furthermore the AFIB and some remaining heart failure issues make sex not safe to engage in, even if counseling could resolve our relationship issues from the past. He does not have ED or any similar issue, wont see a therapist or talk about this, and he becomes angry and defensive if I bring up sex or hug him or show any affection. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. Thank you for sharing! Why would he ever have too? Same issue here. Most men do their deed and roll over. Be loving. But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. 2 children later sex was still fun. Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. Hello Will, If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. You're correct about that. You said, So my question to the men here. Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. That leads to no communication and uselessness. This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. Thank you Jeff! I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. We men are not brain dead. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. Needless to say, both of us are feeling a renewed awareness of who we were and now are. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. In this case, you can turn the tide for your sex life by simply becoming more involved in running the household and making your wife feel special by going the extra mile toreduce her burden. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. Addie But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. Dont hold it against her. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. She claims to always be tired anyway. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! Our mouths and fingers still work! Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. Lack of interest does not equate to lack of love. I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. Make time when you are both relaxed. My thoughts are I need to end my current marriage so I can MoveOn. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. Im 15 years younger than my husband. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. Weve been in counseling for a year. 24 years younger than I. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. My advice would be to sort these problems out before the years pass and certainly before there are children as I think most men have a stronger sense of loyalty and decency than they are often given credit for and are willing to forgo what is a very primal need for the sake of a stable relationship. .! Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? I would divorce him but whats the point. Problem or seek medical help. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. An endocrinologist told me he had never seen that before. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. It will only create more distance between you. Drugs and orgasm. Wrong! Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. Sorry Mate. To me, that is emotional abuse. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. The comments given above is very true. And cheating isnt an option either. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. . Good points you made for sure. this.page.identifier = PAGE_IDENTIFIER; I only wrote this, to just say it. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. Agree Sean. She is against the idea of therapy. This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! The two C words! 16 years being married. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? I went elsewhere a few years back. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). For others that are on the borderline of this happening: LoL. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: She continued to have sex for a while but that eventually ended and we havent had sex now in over 5 years. Married 30 years now. Shes not. Look, we have all pretty much aged our of sexual adventurism but our minds refuse to accept it. A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. She doesnt complain about helping me out but intercourse is quite painful for her and I dont want to press it if shes in pain. Life is so wonderful! That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Youre not alone. This is the best I have read. And I am one of those. Im not really sure if you can put any one word to it. I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. I am 60, and my husband is 65. It is indeed like forcing down a tasteless meal for someone elses sake. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). Cheating is easy and you deserve it . Harley, I am doing none of those things. I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. I am dry (we tried lubricant) and hes small (always been, but seems more so in his 60s) and he doesnt get or stay very hard at all. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. I do not wish this upon anyone!!! Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. I am 60 soon and dread having to try and start again. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. Now that you know that this could also be the reason why your wife avoids physical contact, you need to be her rock and convince her that you still think shes as beautiful as the day when you first met her. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, my dad still wants to have sex but my mom is too tired and no longer comfortable with sex. A pill? It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. Lets discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. I am not willing to live the last 15-20 years of my life without affection, at least. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! Anything less is slow sewer side. Does your wife struggle with self-love? Cheating just isnt in me. Im 47 and this happened to me. And its understandable, its a very hard thing to accept. My husband and I have been married 6 years. They need not be. All through this past Covid year, only one time did she come forward an say I need a hug. Learn how your comment data is processed. Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. I have been married for almost 30 years and except for 3 wonderful children our sex life has been hit and miss. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. Well, its clearly only getting worse. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. She just isnt attracted to me. I have spoken to my wife several times. So the thing I hate hearing but rings true is once in the no sex zone you are not coming back in to it. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. 1 use and money making business on the internet. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. . so I started to do it. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. Equality sounds great in principle people should be equal, right? Because then who leads? At first when we were dating this were fine. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. I mean how do you do that if your married? 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. She apologies oh well. Guess were done here . I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. Your stereotypes are both incorrect AND insulting. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? I work, cook, clean, fix I dont drink or do any drugs. Im leaving when I can stash away the cash. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. Dont fool yourself into thinking that what you say or how you say it will somehow turn her back on. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. My sexual desire just stopped. This went on for years. This sounds exactly like my situation although I am the husband. Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. So, heres what I did. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. The experts have very little to offer. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. I mistakenly intercepted several text And I love doggie! A year or two is nothing. I dont want and will not ever get a divorce. In other cases, it can also be if youve betrayed her trust in the past. Focusing on her pleasure will make her banish any thought that my wife never wants to have sex.. She will sit in bed on her phone though. This really sucks. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. I dont think I would like my son or daughter tell me what to do in the bedroom. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. contrasts what my Wife and her 7 siblings and and an unstable Mother made her as the oldest have us take in 2 of her brothers early in our marriage. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. . Behind heart broken!!! Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. 3. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. oh Pamela, I hear you! . Tell her that you love her. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife.
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