However, now as an adult, he appreciates my intelligence and how much thought and research I put into topics, even if we dont agree. In return, LW could offer to be extra supportive of the daughter participating in activities with her father that hes interested in as well. And who knows how their relationship might blossom if you and your husband would only make nurturing it more of a priority. I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. Just. lets_be_honest I was shocked that a father is rolling his eyes and telling his daughter that her interests annoy him.
Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Though unsettling, your partner was not boring. Most certainly. Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. lets_be_honest Do I wish shed made more of an effort to hang out with me sometimes and like the stuff I liked? He was much kinder to them.) Its almost like shes commiserating with her daughter as though hes her father also. Seriously. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',134,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');Ultimately, its up to you whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt get along with your child. Every time I try to get ahead of the game, I feel like the rug is pulled out. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . EVER. 2. My mom and I were not friends like this, and she let my dads bullying escalate to keep the peace. Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. Dont you think that much of parenting is ramming things down their throat. I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. LW, I think encouraging your daughter to spend time with her dad is so important. This mother needs to chill out a bit. Criticism gets internalized so much more easily at certain ages and coming from certain people something everyone should be more aware of. I think she may have deactivated. She may come to appreciate some of her dads interests in time, but I hardly think forcing them down her throat is a good way to do that. July 2, 2013, 12:43 pm, Shes 12 at what age are you supposed to be more able to enjoy mindless pop culture!?! temperance Such is not the case if youre on the end of a crazy-making partner. After all, the child is innocent and helpless, while the spouse is an adult who can take care of themselves. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. We cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if we are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell us to stop because it annoys him. (My parents zydeco phase was an odd one.) BtVS not mature and intelligent? MY HUSBAND is not an emotional man and has always found it difficult to talk about how he feels. Here are just a couple of typical statements from people in relationships with crazy-making partners: Im really confused. Or even more fun than you would. So insightful! One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. 6napkinburger By contrast, my dad wanted me to play softball and had no interest in the books I used to read. Id say the exact same thing if your roles were reversed here, and somehow she ONLY wanted to watch the History Channel and go hiking. We are this little team of 2. When crazy-making partners are not driven by malevolent motives, they are very open to changing their behavior if it is pointed out in a non-judgmental environment. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. There are many things I love about my husband. There are also a bunch of shows on the history channel or the science channel about science-fiction kind of stuff. How does an interest in science and creativity equal boring? But if she IS uninformed, then its good for him to point it out and provide her with ways to become informed. I read ahead in my history textbook during class because I liked it so much. July 2, 2013, 11:56 am. Dont let anyone else control your decisions. I hope that you can in the process of all this also try to strengthen your marriage, because when your daughter gets new interests in two years or doesnt want to hang out with her parents or even when she moves out of the house, your husband is going to be the one who youre left with. As a result, she may start to rebel and act out, which can eventually drive her away from her family. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? Ive always found board games to be boring and so does my daughter. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. Game of Thrones? And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. She gets too invested in her daughters life. She didnt even have to lock me in the basement. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. He may feel like hes being left out or that he isnt good enough for his daughter. Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. But I do think, however hes approaching it, the dad needs to come from a starting place thats going to pique the daughhers interests. One other thought is that, maybe this really isnt about the daughter, but about her and her husband, she references herself a lot in this letter, and maybe she really has a problem with the way he treats her, but she just doesnt want to admit it. Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. I just told her she wasnt allowed to ramble off all the names of plants/flowers unless I specifically ask as I really dont care (it would be like me telling her sports stats all day). I went to on a three week roadtrip with her last spring (LA to New Orleans) a year ago in January And then we went to Bali for two weeks. That doesnt mean she shouldnt modify her behavior, but her desire is understandable and its easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. If he simply refuses to see that there is a problem and you continue to feel miserable, I suggest you consider talking things through with a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk). Trust that Mark would have PLENTY to say if someone wrote in replacing Buffy with sports. lets_be_honest We were really physically active and loved camping and sports, unlike the LWs daughter, but those books made us voracious readers, which in turn made us verbally proficient, intellectually curious, and capable of exploiting our imaginations in sophisticated ways. And imagine the lesson you would have learned if your dad had rolled his eyes at your piano recital, etc. Do they really want intimacy but fear that their need will end up in entrapment? July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. How are those pre-teen interests? I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. July 3, 2013, 1:09 am, If the Mom is copying her daughters interests with such a vengeance its even more creepy. Awesome show full of information. Up to a point. Okay, maybe I wouldnt want my 12 to read that) they could go to a history museum that has exhibits about the War of the Tudors that partially inspired the novels. Yes. It took me a VERY long time to develop my own interests and become my own person I think youre right to encourage your daughter to be who she is and like what she likes. Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. But hes an adult and should show an equal interest in what his daughter likes instead of disparaging her interests and rolling his eyes at her. Apparently its socially okay to go to games and paint your face and do whatever sports fans do, but Buffy marathons arent. You couldnt easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seem to make the next move more predictable. 20 years later, Im crazy close with both of my parents. I know I did. My father (and mother, if I want to be totally honest) would criticize anything that my sister and I had an interest in, regardless of how much value it did or did not have. My husband goes thru their rooms & throws clothes away he doesn't like. I must just not be seeing things clearly. Sad. When I was 12 I was into makeup, boys and candy. Tom Pettys Southern Anthem was the first CD I ever owned. FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle.
"My Husband's Pushing My Daughter Away" - Dear Wendy And her ongoing view that this somehow makes her the better parent is definitely bordering on malicious, I got into I Love Lucy and Bewitched thanks to my mom!!
EL ESPIRITU DETRAS DE LA PUERTA - Facebook July 2, 2013, 12:17 pm. Have you read Tumblr recently? Gently explain that you're not happy approaching this guy because you think he's simply not interested and that, if she continues to chase him, she's leaving herself open to more hurt and disappointment. I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy. Maybe not, though. I simply didnt get it.) You know at the beginning of the last indiana jones movie where indie comes running home and needs to ask his dad something but his dad makes him count to 10 in latin? Basically, I had never been the kid he wanted, and he eventually snapped and took it out on me. Now she's asked me to talk to him for her and, the truth is, I'm fed up with her moping and simply don't want to. Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common: 1. Way to become a teenager yourself dad. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. And lets face itthe daughter is about to become a teenager. First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. Of course they have an us against him mentality when he acts like that. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. lets_be_honest I actually agree with this wholeheartedly, and Im happy for you, your partner, and your little girl! Absolutely Dad! So sad. my parents made us go to church every Sunday then come home and watch meet the press. But in general, I lol at people who spit on the nerdy stuff. Also, seriously, have you been on Tumblr? July 2, 2013, 11:40 am. Look, I had a great relationship with my dad. I watched it when I was a kid. Tell you husband to ease up a little bit. PS I also dont get why going camping and hiking versus Buffy-ing are mutually exclusive. (directed at the view in general, not you Fabelle) Am I not a read mid-twentysomething because I like them? What kind of history and science is your husband into? And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her.. I really think that both your daughter and husband need to learn compromise and I think you are in the very best position to teach this. Did I always do things he would agree with necessarily? Why should your husband treat her that way?? And they never put down my interests (which at the moment are the same as the LWs). But you seem to have past that point long ago) Just as your husband has tried to cultivate in her his interests. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. Plus he writes strong female characters, which is good for any girl growing up to identify with. Yeah, and you definitely dont win the parenting award when you focus more on getting your kid to be your ally, as opposed to sticking up for your child. My first question is, would he want you to go with them when they go camping/hiking/whatever? One of my MILs (I am so lucky; I get three, FML) has a serious issue with me I mean epic butt hurt level, because I CANNOT do board games or card games.